i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
