I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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