I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
