I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i've created a new STD.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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