oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
