Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
