She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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