Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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