I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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