Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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