I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
