i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you win again, gameday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
