why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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