Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
