you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
