I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
