I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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