I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
