I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
