Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
