i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You are the jesus of drinking
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
