He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
