I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
