my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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