He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
