My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
