I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
