dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
