I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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