I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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