What a fucking waste of an outfit
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i drank out of a bidet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
