If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
