I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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