I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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