Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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