Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
