I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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