can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
