oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
