I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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