The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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