I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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