Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
