apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
