very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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