YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
