We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
