how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
