i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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