I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My cat gives me a boner
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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